I'm A Little Unsteady
by sabotage99
Summary: Amanda Rollins feels like no one is there for her during a rough time. But when the SVU squad finds out her feelings they make it clear that they are always there for her. I DO NOT OWN SVU OR THE SONG.
1. Chapter 1

Detective Amanda Rollins sat on the bus on her way to work. She had had a rough couple of weeks. First, she had gotten shot twice during a child sex ring break in. Then her sister Kim died of a cocaine overdose. She had gone to Atlanta last weekend for her funeral. On top of that, her dog Frannie had gotten sick the other day. It was just a minor stomach disease, but it pained her to see her dog throwing up. Plus, she desperately missed Declan and felt so alone with just her and Jesse.

The bus driver had the radio playing and Amanda perked up when the next song came  
on.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady."_

"I'm really unsteady," thought Amanda. "My life has been crap."

 _"Mama, come here Approach, appear"_

Amanda felt a lump in her throat. She had never been close with her mother; she had always liked Kim better. She had seen her last weekend at the funeral. In spite of their past, they both cried and hugged. Now all she wanted to do was hug her mother or anyone else that would protect her. She felt embarrassed for thinking she needed to be protected, after all she was 37. But right now, she just wanted to be a kid again.

 _"Daddy I'm alone 'Cause this house don't feel like home"_

Amanda started to think about her father, who left her when she was a kid. She had felt all alone throughout most of her adult life, without her mother and sister for much support. That was why she turned to gambling, as it gave her a pleasure she had never felt. Her father was also a gambling addict, so she also felt like she was impressing her father.

 _"If you love me Don't let go If you love me Don't let go"_

This really made Amanda miss Declan. He was still working undercover with a large sex ring. She knew he loved her and Jesse, but he had to go. Working at SVU was not best for him.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady"_

Amanda was now on the verge of tears. She wanted someone to hold onto her, but there was no one. She didn't know anyone on the bus.

 _"Mother I know That you're tired of being alone"_

"I am tired of being alone," thought Amanda.

 _"Dad I know you're trying To fight when you feel like flying"_

"I just want to get off of this bus, go home and cry," thought Amanda. "But I need to fight these tears. I can't be a baby…"

 _"But if you love me Don't let go If you love me Don't let go"_

"Don't let go," Amanda said to herself. "Keep holding on and stay calm."

 _Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady_

That was it for Amanda. She buried her face in her jacket and burst into tears.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady"_

"I can't hold on," thought Amanda through her tears. "There's nothing to hold on to."

 _"Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady"_

As the song finished, most of the tears had leaked out of Amanda, but she was still crying a little bit. She stared into the window. Her face was bright red and there was makeup all over her eyes and cheeks.

Then the bus got to her stop. She stood up, got off the bus and walked into the precinct.


	2. Chapter 2

When Amanda walked into the squad room, everything was busy.

"Hi Rollins" said Olivia Benson quickly. "You're still on desk duty today. I've given you a bunch of cases to file. I have to go appear in court today. The jury might come back the verdict about that rape at Hudson University. Fin and Carisi are out talking to prostitutes about the murder of one of their frequents. In fact almost everyone else will be out investigating today. So it will be pretty quiet today. Feel free to leave once all the cases have been filed."

It was then when Olivia finally noticed the makeup and saw that Amanda's eyes rimmed with red.

"Are you okay," said Olivia. "I know you're still coping with everything that's happened."

"Yeah," sighed Amanda. "But I'll be okay. Maybe when I get back on duty and into my routine I'll feel better.

Olivia smiled, but still felt a little uneasy.

Amanda sat down at the computer. For several hours she went through the tedious process of filing all of these cases and either archiving them or sending them to the D.A's office.

At around four o' clock, Amanda had finished filing the cases. She had packed up her stuff and was about to stand up to go when she got a sudden urge to hear that song again. So she plugged in her ear buds and looked the song up on YouTube. She pressed play.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady."_

The moment the song started playing, Amanda felt tears welling up in her eyes. All those emotions came back. She started around the squad room, but no one was there. She felt like she was going deeper and deeper into a black hole…

"Rollins," said a voice. Amanda spun around and saw Olivia walking towards her."

"Sargent Benson," said Amanda. "I was just getting ready to go." She closed the window grabbed her bag and began to walk towards the door.

"What were you listening to?" asked Olivia.

"Oh…um… just a song," said Rollins, feeling like she was about to burst again.

"Okay…" said Olivia. "Um… I hope you feel better and get some rest."

"Will do," said Amanda quickly racing out of the door. Then, Olivia began to hear crying in the hallway. It faded as Amanda's footsteps faded.

"What was she listening to?" thought Olivia. She walked over to the computer Amanda had been using. It turned out Amanda had not completely closed the window but instead hit the minimize button. Olivia pulled up the window and saw the lyric video for Unsteady. She listened to the song and suddenly everything clicked. She realized that Amanda needed some support, fast.

When Fin and Sonny came back to the precinct. Olivia was waiting for them.

"How did it go?" asked Olivia.

"We got statements on what the perp looks like and what kind of car he drives. We'll get a sketch artist in on Monday," said Fin.

"Good," said Olivia. "And the jury came back. They acquitted him on first degree rape but found him guilty on second degree. The jury asked for the maximum sentence so he'll do at least five years and be on the registry for life. The victim seemed to be okay with it.

"Good," said Sonny.

"But guys," said Olivia. "I need to talk to you about something. It's about Rollins."

"Yeah," said Sonny. "I know she's going through some tough times right now."

"Yes," said Olivia. "But she has no one to lean on. Her mother is in Georgia and she isn't really close with her anyway. And she has no other family."

"That's really sad," said Fin.

"Today I saw her listening to a song," Olivia continued. "It's called Unsteady.

"Oh I know that song," said Sonny. "It's on the radio all the time

"I'll play it for you," said Olivia. "Really listen to to the lyrics." She played the song.

 _"Daddy I'm alone 'Cause this house don't feel like home"_

"Her Dad left her," said Sonny. "That line must have really gotten to her."

 _"If you love me Don't let go If you love me Don't let go"_

"Oh man," said Fin when that line played. "She has been let go by everyone. She must feel like no one loves her."

 _"Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady."_

"She must be really unsteady due to all the shit she's had to put up with these past few weeks," said Fin when the song ended.

"Yeah," said Olivia. "But I think there is something we can do."

"What?" said Sonny.

"We all go over to her house, bring her food and talk," said Olivia. "Going over will really show we care and that she always people that are there for her. She'll also be able to tell us how she really feels instead of keeping all these feelings to herself."

"Great idea Liv," said Fin.

"And better yet," said Olivia. "Amaro is back visiting his mother from L.A. I'll call him and see if he wants to come over. He and Rollins were always close. I'll also call Barba too."

"Sounds like a plan," said Sonny. "I'll go order some food while you guys make the calls.

An hour later, the three of them were in a taxi on their way to Amanda's apartment


	3. Chapter 3

Amanda sat in her apartment. After she got home, she changed in pajamas. She couldn't eat anything; she just put Jesse to bed early, fed Frannie some rice, and sat in front of the TV drinking beer, continuing to sob. She couldn't stop listening to Unsteady.

Meanwhile, Olivia had gone home to pick up Noah and Fin and Sonny had gone to pick up food. They met back up at Rollins's apartment building.

"Smells good," said Olivia.

"Best Indian food in town," said Fin. "Where are Amaro and Barba."

"Here," said a voice. Nick Amaro was standing right behind them.

"Nick!" said Olivia putting Noah down and running towards him. She hadn't seen her old partner in over two years.

The two wrapped their arms around each other in a big hug. They held on for almost ten seconds.

"Okay," said Nick letting go of Olivia. "Fin how are you doing?"

"Great," said Fin hugging Nick. "It hasn't been the same without you. How's California?"

"Fine," said Nick. "Definitely feels a lot bigger and working for the Park Police is a lot different, but it's nice to have Zara and Gilberto near me. And it's always sunny and warm. You all should come visit."

"Maybe I'll make it out this summer," said Sonny hugging Nick.

Then a cab pulled up right next to them and Rafael Barba stepped out.

"It's great to see you," he said giving Nick a hug. "Amanda will be so glad to see you too. Then we'll have the whole squad back together"

"Okay," said Olivia picking up Noah. "Let's go."

As they all started walking upstairs, Amanda was listening to Unsteady for probably the hundredth time that day.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady."_

"Why.. just why…" thought Amanda.

 _"Mama, come here Approach, appear "Daddy I'm alone 'Cause this house don't feel like home"_

"Someone come and save me. Save me from my life!" thought Amanda.

Then the doorbell rang.

 _"If you love me Don't let go If you love me Don't let go"_

As that line played, Amanda stood up and walked to the door. She thought it was just a neighbor or an annoying salesman. "Why did they pick me to bother?" she thought and opened the door.

The next thing Amanda saw was Olivia, Fin, Sonny, Nick and Rafael standing at her door.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady"_

At that exact moment, Amanda Rollins felt sightly more steady.


	4. Chapter 4

Amanda's jaw dropped when she saw them.

"What are you all doing here?" she finally said.

"We just came over to talk and give you some support," said Olivia. "We brought you food too."

"Well… thanks," said Amanda. That was when she saw Nick standing with them.

"Oh…my…god," stuttered Amanda. Nick opened his arms wide and Amanda fell right into them. More tears began to well up in her eyes.

Amanda held onto Nick for what seemed to be an hour but was actually less than 30 seconds. Afterwards they all walked into the kitchen.

"Have something to eat Amanda," said Rafael.

"Okay," said Amanda. "Ohh" she said when Fin and Sonny took the food out. "I love Indian food."

They all piled their plates high with different dishes. Amanda went to wake Jesse and put her on the floor so Noah could play with her. Afterwards, they all sat on her couch.

"Amanda," said Olivia. "I found out that you were listening to Unsteady today."

"Oh man," said Amanda. "I must have minimized the window instead of closing it."

"I listened to the lyrics," Olivia continued. "And I really think they speak to you. You've had some rough times, but you don't have family to turn to. Is that true?"

Amanda started to cry again. "Yes," said she said through her tears. "It's all true."

Olivia put her arm around Amanda. "Everyone has their own way of coping. But I want you to know that we are always there for you. All you have to do is tell us when you're feeling depressed and we'll do whatever we can to help you. Just like we all help our victims."

Amanda let out a small smile. "Thank you," she said. "Right now, I just need other people to talk to and make me feel like I'm not alone in this world."

"Well that's what we're here for," said Nick putting an arm around Amanda's other side.

"Speaking of which, what are you doing here?" said Amanda.

"I was in New York visiting my mother and Olivia called me to say that you were feeling sad and it would make you feel better if we all came over," said Nick.

"Well, thanks all of you," said Amanda. "I feel a little better."

"Only a little," thought Amanda. "But if they are always there for me, I know I can get through whatever life throws at me."

They all continued to talk and gave Amanda advice on what to do next. Olivia suggested she go to a support group for people who had lost relatives or whose husbands were away on long term jobs.

"Of course if you just want to talk about stuff with us, you're more than welcome to," said Olivia.

They continued to talk until it got late.

"Well," said Amanda. "I think you all should better best be going."

"Actually," said Sonny. "We were thinking of something different."

"We kind of wanted to stay with you overnight," said Fin.

Amanda was surprised. "You would really do that," she said.

"We thought you would feel better if we did," said Olivia. "So you wouldn't have to go bed by yourself after a rough day."

"Of course only if it's okay with you," added Nick.

"That would be… great!" said Amanda. "I'll get my AeroBed out for Noah."

Amanda inflated the AeroBed while the others set up Jesse's travel crib. "We don't want her to be alone either," said Rafael.

After that they converted the couch to bed and all snuggled together in pillows and blankets. Amanda was right next to to Nick. She began to reminisce about how much she missed him. She began to silently sing the song to him.

 _"Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold Hold on Hold up to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady A little unsteady"_

And then just at that moment, Nick gently grabbed onto her. Amanda never felt so comfortable in her life. So comfortable that she drifted off into a gentle sleep.

When Amanda awoke she looked at her watch. It was 3:26AM. Nick was still holding onto her and the rest of the squad was asleep snuggled in bed.

 _"If you love me Don't let go If you love me Don't let go"_

"They love me," said Amanda. "They didn't let go. And they never will. Even when Nick goes home, I'll still talk to him."

Amanda felt like a huge hole in her heart had been filled. And, still cuddling with Nick, Amanda Rollins fell back asleep, knowing she was surrounded by true love and care.

The End

So that's my first SVU fanfic. Hope you all enjoyed it.


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